If this sounds familiar, you might be a target of gaslighting<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Gaslighting isn\u2019t limited to politics or intimate relationships \u2014 it also rears its head in the professional world. So, we wanted to know:<\/p>\n\n\n\n To find comprehensive answers to these questions, we spoke with Dr. Robin Stern<\/a>, a licensed Psychoanalyst and Associate Director at the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, known for her work on gaslighting. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Let\u2019s delve into the topic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Gaslighting is an insidious form of emotional abuse<\/strong> that can leave the victim feeling:<\/p>\n\n\n\n Gaslighters employ subtle tactics to confuse their targets and chip away at their self-confidence. <\/p>\n\n\n\n To give us an idea of what gaslighting can look like, Dr. Stern shared an example from her book, The Gaslight Effect: How to Spot and Survive the Hidden Manipulations Other People Use to Control Your Life<\/em><\/a>. In this instance, a considerate woman is panic-stricken when she can\u2019t find salmon for her husband:<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cShe walked into the store and knew from the moment she saw that they were out of the particular kind of salmon her husband liked that she would be in trouble when she got home. She knew that he would be gaslighting her and aggressive.<\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n And, she had already started the process with him in her own mind \u2014 \u2018well, if I really were a loving wife, I would have made sure that I got up early enough to get to the grocery store before they were out of the salmon.\u2019\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n For many gaslightees, Stern adds, \u201ctaking on the voice of the gaslighter<\/em>\u201d isn\u2019t unusual. <\/p>\n\n\n\n But what exactly fuels gaslighting behavior? <\/p>\n\n\n\n Given how overwhelming gaslighting can feel, it\u2019s hard to understand why someone would target another person in that manner.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Stern states that gaslighting is connected to how well we manage our emotions:<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cIf you aren\u2019t somebody who knows how to skillfully process emotions in the moment because you\u2019re not used to it, you may feel destabilized and uncomfortable to the point where you lash out with gaslighting.<\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n And you may lash out by twisting reality and lying, blaming the target of gaslighting, or deflecting responsibility. So, being skillful in <\/em>emotional intelligence<\/em><\/a> includes recognizing when feelings rock your emotional stability and using helpful strategies to regulate your emotions in the moment.\u201d<\/em><\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n Since we\u2019ve touched on the feelings that may spur gaslighters, let\u2019s see if they all act in the same way. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Stern brings attention to 3 distinct types of gaslighters that can exist in the workplace:<\/p>\n\n\n\n When you hear the word \u201cgaslighter<\/em>,\u201d what kind of person comes to mind?<\/p>\n\n\n\n If it\u2019s someone who gives you the silent treatment and guilt-trips you into doing what they want, then you\u2019ve probably had some past experiences with the Intimidator<\/em>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Intimidators are aggressive and use a range of intimidation techniques to put down their victims. Even when not part of gaslighting, punishment, and scare tactics severely impact a person\u2019s mental health<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Of course, fits of anger and unprovoked shouting are one way an intimidator may act in front of the gaslightee. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Yet, they may go down a more subtle route. For example, a manager who is belittling your achievements at every turn may round up their disparaging comments by saying, \u201cOh, lighten up! That was only a joke<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n When you buy into the narrative that it was just a joke and that maybe the problem is all in your head, a vicious cycle is set into motion. Stern calls this \u201cthe gaslight effect<\/em>\u201d \u2014 a phrase that refers to the devastating repercussions of continuous gaslighting. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Imagine that you\u2019ve been trying to get hold of your manager to check in on an important project. They\u2019ve ignored your emails and messages, and when you spot them in the office, they\u2019re always rushing to get to a different meeting. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Flash forward a few days, your manager has finally gotten back to you, and they suggest you take a longer lunch break or even the whole day off.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Instead of feeling elated, you\u2019re frustrated because an extra day off doesn\u2019t explain why they\u2019ve ignored you. Instead of apologizing, they look at you strangely because you\u2019re upset after being commended and rewarded. <\/p>\n\n\n\n That\u2019s the modus operandi of Glamor Gaslighters \u2014 they rely on grand gestures to make the gaslightee feel special. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Because of this special treatment, self-doubt begins to eat away at you. <\/p>\n\n\n\n How could you be angry when they\u2019ve gone out of their way to do something nice to you? And, if you don\u2019t appreciate their efforts, you\u2019re clearly in the wrong. <\/p>\n\n\n\n When you suggest something to your colleague or partner, and they brush you off with a polite \u201cYou\u2019re really thinking about it too much<\/em>,\u201d you wouldn\u2019t immediately think they\u2019re intentionally undermining you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n But that\u2019s exactly the trouble when dealing with Good-Guy Gaslighters. <\/p>\n\n\n\n They put you down with a smile and kind demeanor \u2014 and all you\u2019re left with is confusion. After all, they\u2019re not openly aggressive, so you can\u2019t help but think that maybe you do<\/em> have a bad habit of overanalyzing the situation. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Moreover, your gaslighter may even pretend to be open to hearing you out, which further compounds your sense of guilt for questioning their motives. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Constant manipulation from an intimate partner, friend, or coworker can make you question your judgment and obliterate your sense of self-worth. For this reason, some people picture gaslighters as evil narcissists intent on harming others. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Yet, Dr. Stern underscores that gaslighting is a learned behavior:<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cMuch of the time, people think of gaslighters as being evil. But gaslighting is a learned behavior. You either learn it by living with a gaslighter or being on the receiving end of gaslighting. So, you learn how to gaslight even if you\u2019re not taking lessons willingly.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n Moreover, in The Gaslight Effect Recovery Guide<\/em><\/a>, Stern stresses that \u201cnot all narcissists are gaslighters<\/em>.\u201d In fact, healthy narcissism acts as the foundation of our sense of self. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Conversely, unhealthy narcissism is often the result of past trauma, and narcissistic tendencies and gaslighting don\u2019t necessarily go hand in hand. <\/p>\n\n\n\n As mentioned, not all gaslighters are openly aggressive, so determining whether someone is manipulating you can be challenging.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Furthermore, gaslighting can have different consequences on a person\u2019s mental health and their workplace.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Depending on its severity, gaslighting can cause a wide range of symptoms, including:<\/p>\n\n\n\n Becoming aware of these symptoms is a victory in itself, as you can decide to take appropriate steps to protect yourself. <\/p>\n\n\n\n When you constantly fear unfair criticism and negative repercussions at your job, these emotions can limit your creativity and independence. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Stern underscores that in the workplace, gaslighting often feels like the opposite of psychological safety<\/a>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWhen you have a gaslighter in the workplace, it destroys psychological safety because psychological safety includes the feeling that it\u2019s okay to make a mistake and even failed projects are opportunities to learn. Safe environments make you feel like you can say what you need to say, and can take a risk to be creative because if you\u2019re wrong, it\u2019s okay \u2014 you will learn something.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cIf that psychological safety shatters, you won\u2019t be willing to take a risk because somebody might put you down for your new idea or innovative approach, and then, if you complain, tell you you\u2019re paranoid.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n Of course, not all of the symptoms mentioned above have to be present for people experiencing gaslighting. But, when they do occur, it\u2019s because of the gaslighter\u2019s:<\/p>\n\n\n\n The truth is, anyone can get caught up in what Stern has named the \u201cgaslight tango<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you are kind and empathetic, the natural thing to do is to always consider the other person\u2019s perspective, which can leave you particularly vulnerable to manipulation.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Once that empathy is weaponized against you, you have no kindness left for yourself. <\/p>\n\n\n\n So, at one point or another, we all might have to stand up to a manipulator. <\/p>\n\n\n\n However, this Psychology Today article on gaslighting<\/a> calls attention to 4 factors that could make us more vulnerable. These are:<\/p>\n\n\n\n Fortunately, there are ways we can protect ourselves and learn to end the gaslight tango. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Recognizing the warning signs is a good first step, but Stern highlights that putting an end to this toxic cycle of manipulation requires cooperation and self-awareness on the gaslighter\u2019s end. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Still, even when gaslighters are willing to change their ways, confronting them can be daunting, especially in a business environment.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cIf you are dating someone and you stand up to their gaslighting, what\u2019s the risk?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cYou may go through heartbreak or likely experience disappointment and maybe loneliness, but the person is out of your life, and you can also feel the relief of that.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cBut what happens when you stand up to gaslighting in the workplace? What if there\u2019s retaliation? What if you\u2019re then labeled as a problematic employee?<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWhat if you lose your job?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n In addition to these concerns, gaslightees also have to think about the most effective strategy to free themselves from these unhealthy relationships. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Their tactics may take different forms, depending on the type of gaslighter they\u2019re dealing with. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Stern acknowledges the difficulties of interacting with Intimidators and emphasizes the importance of finding support and keeping a written record.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cFor the most part, Intimidators are very hard to confront and address. <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWhen confronting your Intimidator gaslighter, try not to be alone. Invite a colleague to be with you during the meeting and be sure to write down the conversation as much as possible.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n Try not to kick off the conversation or meeting by immediately blaming your gaslighter \u2014 this may trigger them to directly head into defensive mode. Instead, strive to express your emotions regarding the situation using neutral language to avoid a communication breakdown<\/a>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n While saying \u201cYou\u2019ve done me wrong in these ways<\/em>\u201d feels tempting, reel that instinct in and choose something like: \u201cThe current situation has made me feel uneasy for quite some time.<\/em>\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n This way, you\u2019ll open doors to a more productive and constructive interaction.<\/p>\n\n\n \n Level up team communication with Pumble<\/p>\n \n Send messages, post updates on channels, and organize video calls to quickly and easily coordinate your team.<\/p>\n \n According to Stern, breaking away from a Glamor Gaslighter can feel uncomfortable because they turn up the charm to disarm the gaslightee:<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThe Glamor Gaslighter will be romancing you in a different way for different reasons \u2014 but charming you nonetheless.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n Whether they\u2019re gaslighting you to gain power or control, you\u2019ll feel as if you are under their spell. <\/p>\n\n\n\n Consequently, it\u2019s essential to tune into your own emotions and find empathy for yourself. <\/p>\n\n\n\n This may involve talking to someone not directly involved in the situation to gain an unbiased, third-party view. By reframing your perspective, you\u2019ll learn to put less weight on your gaslighter\u2019s approval and remove yourself from destructive and unproductive interactions.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Going head-to-head with a Good-Guy Gaslighter can be tricky because there\u2019s a reason they\u2019re called the good guys.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cGood guys are more likely to listen to you and feel confused \u2013 after all, they are good guys. They may then try to accommodate and shift their behavior.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n When that shift occurs, Stern advises that you pay attention to their language and behavior:<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWhat you are looking for is for their behavior to line up with their words. And, you really want the other to engage with you, not against you \u2014 you want to have a conversation where when you ask a question, that question is responded to \u2014 not avoided, deflected, undermined, or squashed.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n Stern further emphasizes that, in these circumstances, being prepared is everything.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cPreparing yourself for those conversations and being sure that you have social support is the biggest factor, but also giving yourself space to step back and connect with your reality and how far you\u2019re willing to go.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n\n\n\n <\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n Stepping back from any relationship is hard, but ultimately, taking care of your sanity and well-being should always be a top priority. <\/p>\n\n\n\n To reclaim your agency and revitalize your self-confidence, strive to:<\/p>\n\n\n\n Breaking free from gaslighting entails not only standing up to your gaslighter but also turning off the voice in the back of your head whispering, \u201cMaybe it\u2019s you<\/em>.\u201d So, treat yourself with compassion and patience as you embark on this journey.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Get 3 enterprise tools for the price of 1<\/p>\n \n Cut your costs in half while keeping productivity at full throttle. Get Clockify, Pumble, and Plaky at a 53% discount with the CAKE.com Productivity Bundle.<\/p>\n \n Learn how to recognize common gaslighter types and avoid being gaslighted as Dr. Robin Stern shares the most useful advice with our readers. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":29,"featured_media":1994,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[82],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1996","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-thought-leaders"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n\n
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Defining gaslighting: A few examples<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\nWhy do people gaslight?<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\nThe 3 types of gaslighters<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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#1 The Intimidator<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
#2 The Glamor Gaslighter<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
#3 The Good-Guy Gaslighter<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
Are all narcissists gaslighters? <\/h3>\n\n\n\n
<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\nCommon symptoms of gaslighting<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
How gaslighting affects your mental health<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
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Consequences of gaslighting in the workplace<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
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Personality types that get gaslighted<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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What to do if you\u2019re being gaslighted<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\nConfronting an Intimidator<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n![\"Level](\"https:\/\/cake.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/12\/banner-pumble.png\")
\n <\/div>\n <\/div>\n <\/div>\n <\/div>\n\n \n\n\n\nConfronting a Glamor Gaslighter<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\nConfronting a Good-Guy Gaslighter<\/h3>\n\n\n\n
<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\nCombat gaslighting and free yourself from manipulation<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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